It has been a week since I achieved the accomplishment of my first goal of finishing a 5K walk. It has been a week since I have exercised or walked at all. It seems that after I successfully completed that goal, I had a sense of “phew, I’m glad that’s over,” and I jumped right back into a sedentary lifestyle. I went through the week with great intentions. I decided to give my body a break on Monday, Tuesday I would walk. Tuesday and Wednesday were “busy,” so I’d plan on Thursday, Friday and Saturday for my three days this week. The weather was cold, there was rain, blah, blah, blah. . .
Because the week was busy, food choices were more limited to what we could get as carry-out or from a restaurant. Planning was at a minimum and I spent too many calories and too much money paying for food that someone else prepared. The good news on the Halloween front is that we did not give candy away to the kids, so no temptation there but there are now an inordinate number of sweets around after Ava’s first real trick or treating experience.
To make matters even worse, I violated the cardinal drive thru rule this morning as I was running late to get to work but needed breakfast. Rather than planning a bit more, I ordered my “old standard McDonald’s #5 breakfast” and ate it on the way to work. It wasn’t even good! It was pretty greasy and disgusting, but I ate it. I don’t understand myself. How can I reach a pinnacle and then drop so quickly? Did I not prepare myself slowly and work toward a goal? I guess that it is the very nature of food addiction. It is about eating out of habit rather than hunger. The time has come for me to do the work on the addiction side.
I went to the Overeaters Anonymous website again and hated my answers to the series of questions that they pose to determine whether you are a compulsive overeater. As a matter of information, they are:
1. Do you eat when you’re not hungry?
2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
4. Do you give too much time and thought to food?
5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
10. Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?
11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?
12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?
The rule of thumb is that if you answer “yes” to three or more of the questions you either are or on your way to becoming a compulsive overeater. I have investigated Overeaters Anonymous meetings and have identified a Wednesday evening telephone meeting to start this week. Although I would prefer a face-to-face meeting, this week is crazy in getting prepared to celebrate my daughter’s 4th birthday, cleaning, and the frenzy before 25 people come to your house. I did not want to wait, so I have found a telephone meeting at a time that will work for me on Wednesday during the late evening. I hate the fact that I need to go this route. There is a certain amount of shame in it for me; however, I am also proud of my willingness to do what it takes to recover from this addiction in order to improve the rest of my life. I will let you know how the first meeting goes. In the meantime, my exercise schedule for this week will be Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday.
Thank you for your willingness to walk by my side as I navigate these waters. It is a very bumpy ride that is full of ups and downs, but I am confident that I will eventually find my way by getting the help I need, staying true to what I know is right, trying my best to curb negative thoughts, and turning the situation over to God, my highest power, who can do all things.
