Dear Blog Readers:
Today’s entry is atypical and very personal. I am sad today. Not for myself and my weight journey but because of some sad news that I received yesterday. As a result of the news, I have spent some significant time contemplating life circumstances and what is really important.
I was the oldest of three children that were born to a young woman in the 60s. I was given up for adoption at birth and never knew her as she passed away when I was six years old. Many years ago, I met two brothers that I never knew. One was like my heart – convicted, loving and a person of great character. The other was adopted at the age of two upon the death of our mother. He was 27 years old when I met him. His life story follows in the following piece of prose.
An Unmarked Life
by Carla Rea DeFlorio
He was born the child of a poor, young woman. When the young woman suddenly died, he was adopted by another family and grew up in another town where he stayed until the age of eight. He was given back to the child care authorities and put into foster care where he went from foster home to foster home. He began to affiliate with people of ill repute and got into trouble with the law.
He spent the greater part of his years looking for acceptance, a sense of belonging and someone he could call his own. At the age of 25, he met a woman and became a father to a little girl but his criminal activities brought him in and out of prison over the course of the years that would follow.
He met members of his birth family and had a hope of connection but he scared them away with each interaction. He did not have the skills to reach out to them. They didn’t have the courage to try harder.
While he was in prison, his daughter’s mother was killed in a car crash and his daughter was given up for adoption without his knowledge. Plagued by guilt and fear of history repeating itself, he was determined to seek her out and reclaim her when he was finally free again. He succeeded in finding her and watched her for a while from afar, surprised to see that she was living a happy life. He opted to leave her in the capable hands of her family – resulting in the only truly unselfish act of his life.
He spent the remainder of his years searching for acceptance and care, but remained in a lonely existence. He eventually married a woman, but it was very late in his life by then. Within a short time, he learned that due to some health circumstances, he would be facing life in a wheelchair within six months.
The burden was too much to bear. He checked into a nearby motel and ended his life – alone. Members of his birth family heard from his wife, who they barely knew. There were no details, no explanations, no remains, just the information of his death and the thoughts of him that would stay with them in the years to come. He was forty-two.
His daughter is still happy and remains in this world. She remains his hope for eternity.
I have not had an easy time this week in my reaffirmation of my journey. I have not gotten into an exercise regime, I haven’t contacted OA yet but I am working at increasing the amount of water that I consume every day. In the past 24 hours, I have once again realized how very fortunate I am. I was given love, care, and everything I needed throughout my life. I never wanted for anything. Of my birthmother’s three children, I was graced with much in my life. I believe that I have an obligation with that grace. My obligation is do all that I can to live.
I have much work to do, but the good news is that I will not begin with overeating – for once! Thank you for indulging me and for reading/listening to my story.
Carla
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year, New Start
My Dearest Readers:
I’m sure that you’ve given up on me by now. If you have, I don’t blame you. I’ve been attending to personal issues and have not been regularly pursuing my goals. My 282 weigh-in was a fluke in October, and I have been maintaining my weight through the holidays between 289 and 290.
The highlights from my life of late have included the news that my husband has reached the maximum of his unemployment benefits and my nearly 80 year old mother taking a spill on black ice two days before Christmas. My mom hit her head, severely bruised her elbow, and has had some general soreness for the past week but thankfully, that was the extent of it, but it did slow her down a bit over the past few days. I was grateful to be home so that I could help her during her recovery.
I am running the range of emotions about my life situation but what I feel most is fear. Fear of what lies ahead, the unknown, the inability to sustain, etc. I did have some health wins over the course of the past several weeks. In about mid-late November I started to experience some pretty violent reactions to acid reflux issues that I have had for many years. It caused me to be vigilant in making choices that would not send my body into “rejection mode” and make me sick. As a result, I was able to survive the holidays, particularly Christmas Eve, without getting ill for the first time in years. You see, my extended family has a tradition of eating foods that would typically flare up my acid reflux syndrome and I historically made an effort to eat those foods without regard for how I would be affected. I was very motivated this year to take care of myself, so I made a plan for the evening to ensure that I would not be sick. I was so proud that I dealt with my food issues with a plan and a goal in mind.
In addition, I did not turn to bad, nasty eating habits in dealing with my stress. I have not had a regular exercise plan; however, I have been seeing a physical therapist for the past 3 weeks for a problem that I have been experiencing with neuropathy in my toes and I have had “mini workouts" with her 3 days per week. As a result of the reduction in our family income, I have been thinking of all different ways to try to save money. I have been paying $29/month for a fitness plan through my insurance company for the past 6 months or so but I have not been using it the way that I should. I refuse to give it up though because it would mean the sure demise of my efforts. Instead, my plan is to join the ranks of the many as the new year starts and renew my program to get healthy. There are so very few things that I can control these days - but this, I CAN CONTROL!
Here is my plan for the coming week:
1. Write this blog entry by the end of the day on Sunday, January 2.
2. Sit in on my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting or teleconference by Sunday, January 9th.
3. Exercise on Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday of this week. (probably Curves)
4. Drink at least 48 oz. water per day, starting on January 1.
So, I’m off again to regain health. I started out the year right as I weighed in at
the start of the year at less than 300 pounds for the first time in over a decade. It’s a good start!
I’m sure that you’ve given up on me by now. If you have, I don’t blame you. I’ve been attending to personal issues and have not been regularly pursuing my goals. My 282 weigh-in was a fluke in October, and I have been maintaining my weight through the holidays between 289 and 290.
The highlights from my life of late have included the news that my husband has reached the maximum of his unemployment benefits and my nearly 80 year old mother taking a spill on black ice two days before Christmas. My mom hit her head, severely bruised her elbow, and has had some general soreness for the past week but thankfully, that was the extent of it, but it did slow her down a bit over the past few days. I was grateful to be home so that I could help her during her recovery.
I am running the range of emotions about my life situation but what I feel most is fear. Fear of what lies ahead, the unknown, the inability to sustain, etc. I did have some health wins over the course of the past several weeks. In about mid-late November I started to experience some pretty violent reactions to acid reflux issues that I have had for many years. It caused me to be vigilant in making choices that would not send my body into “rejection mode” and make me sick. As a result, I was able to survive the holidays, particularly Christmas Eve, without getting ill for the first time in years. You see, my extended family has a tradition of eating foods that would typically flare up my acid reflux syndrome and I historically made an effort to eat those foods without regard for how I would be affected. I was very motivated this year to take care of myself, so I made a plan for the evening to ensure that I would not be sick. I was so proud that I dealt with my food issues with a plan and a goal in mind.
In addition, I did not turn to bad, nasty eating habits in dealing with my stress. I have not had a regular exercise plan; however, I have been seeing a physical therapist for the past 3 weeks for a problem that I have been experiencing with neuropathy in my toes and I have had “mini workouts" with her 3 days per week. As a result of the reduction in our family income, I have been thinking of all different ways to try to save money. I have been paying $29/month for a fitness plan through my insurance company for the past 6 months or so but I have not been using it the way that I should. I refuse to give it up though because it would mean the sure demise of my efforts. Instead, my plan is to join the ranks of the many as the new year starts and renew my program to get healthy. There are so very few things that I can control these days - but this, I CAN CONTROL!
Here is my plan for the coming week:
1. Write this blog entry by the end of the day on Sunday, January 2.
2. Sit in on my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting or teleconference by Sunday, January 9th.
3. Exercise on Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday of this week. (probably Curves)
4. Drink at least 48 oz. water per day, starting on January 1.
So, I’m off again to regain health. I started out the year right as I weighed in at
the start of the year at less than 300 pounds for the first time in over a decade. It’s a good start!
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