Little Plans Can Lead to Bigger Plans. . . If I Work at Them

Dear Blog Readers (or as Julie Powell of “Julie/Julia” fame called you “Bleaders”):

Alas, it has been awhile since I last posted to my blog. I have missed you. Let me bring you up to date on the latest news on the Carla-Carla journey. My last posting talked about the benefits of being sick. While the benefit is still true and I have maintained my breakthrough of 290 pounds, I have suffered a relapse or continuation of my plague in the meantime. I have been dealing with cough, post-nasal drip, etc. for about three weeks and, quite frankly, I’m sick of being sick!

I have been successful at persevering into my walking regime on both weekend days despite the plague; however, I have struggled during the week, mostly because I have been feeling so badly. About 2 weeks ago, I decided that I needed some additional motivation so I committed to a 5K walk on October 24th as an incentive for me to continue to build my distance of walking every week. To date, I have been walking about 1.75 miles in 35 minutes for each walk. I intend to build .25 miles every week until the walk, so that the 5K (3.1 miles) will be a much more do-able goal.

I am really enjoying my walks. They give me a chance to do something for myself, take advantage of the opportunity to listen to music that I love, and enjoy the sights and intricacies of my neighborhood in a way that cannot be achieved from the driver’s seat of my SUV. For example, there is a house about 1 ½ blocks from my house that has over 15 trees in the front yard. Fifteen! I have lived in my current house for just under six years and driven past the aforementioned house hundreds of times but missed that detail.

I adjust my music selection to match my state of mind. If I’m in need of inspiration, I might listen to high-energy “Women of Faith.” If I’m in need of energy and a bit nostalgic, I revert to my disco days. Sometimes a broadway show tune is in order. (You can probably tell that I am now finding that the additional bonus of music is motivation for me as well.)

During our last meeting, my nutritionist, Suzanne, got a little tough with me and basically said that the time had come for me to be like Nike, and “just do it” with my exercise. As I said earlier, I was only able to walk weekend days for the last three weeks because I have been sick but I now find that I want more. My body no longer gets up the day after a workout and feels like it has been hit by a Mack Truck. I am starting to feel muscle tone coming into my legs – this is something new for me. I’m no longer afraid to set fitness goals.

I am looking forward to my 5K Walk on October 24th. It is being held in the village where I grew up and spent my formative years. I think it appropriate that I have my first fitness goal achievement there as that is where the ill feelings about food issues began. I have already started to plan ahead to my next goal. Every year, the Epilepsy Foundation sponsors a walk on the Mall in Washington, DC. If we can swing it, my family and I hope to make the trip to Washington, DC next Spring during Cherry Blossom time, to walk for this cause that is closest to our hearts as my husband Mike has had epilepsy since he was 11 months old. The epilepsy walk’s goals are to raise awareness of epilepsy and to help to lift the stigma around this unknown illness. In addition, the money raised is used toward further research.

My plan begins with one 5K walk and will progress from there. I will post my progress in increasing my distance in the month of October. I can’t wait to achieve my first success!

Accentuate the Positive

There is something to be said for being sick. For the past 3 days, I have been plagued with a cough, cold, post-nasal drip kind of thing. I am one of those people that gets completely knocked out by these types of illnesses. There are a couple of benefits that come from it though. First of all, I’m not that hungry, so eating is kept to a minimum. Secondly, I drink an abundance of water to keep myself hydrated. It seems that I can’t get enough water when I’m dealing with a cold, etc. I believe that, to some respect, water acts as a detoxifier and helps our bodies to obtain a healthy equilibrium again. I have not felt up to exercise this week; however, I am still hopeful that I can get my three days in by Sunday.

I do have some good news to share. This morning, I got up and weighed myself and discovered a wondrous thing – I have finally broken 290. After weighing myself 6 times and getting the same reading each time, I accepted the scale’s reading of 288.2. This means that weight loss has picked up again and that I have now lost a total of 18.8 pounds! WOOOO HOOOOO! I have been anxiously awaiting the day when I would break this next milestone and it came out of the blue. I am discovering that when I take action and don’t anticipate the results, I get pleasantly surprised. I am excited as ever to keep going and am now working on getting the exercise regular and under control and incorporating it deliberately into my life.

I have been participating in an Online Retreat on Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. I think that it has helped me to put some things in perspective related to what she calls “The Voice” within us. It reminds us of our failures and how we will never be able to do it. Within the course of the retreat, she has given assignments to help in combating The Voice and put it in its place. The Voice is that part of your psyche that says things like “Why are you doing this? You are never going to do it. You’re a failure.” The Voice does not like change and it seems that the negative messages increase when we start to incorporate changes into our life. I am learning to be very deliberate in my actions and am getting better at recognizing The Voice so that I can take control of the negative thoughts before they take control of me and I end up sabotaging my efforts. In my last posting on September 12, I told you that I have really gotten in touch with the psychological side of eating. This is what I was talking about. When we allow ourselves to constantly listen and give into the negative messages, our efforts are constantly in jeopardy. But when we can mentally combat The Voice and allow ourselves to have goals and positive messages and thoughts, our truest desires and feelings can come to fruition.

In the 70s, there was a television show called “One Day at a Time.” Some of you may remember it. You may remember the tune, but may not know all the words. I have them committed to memory as they help me to continue on my path.

One Day at a Time Theme
By John and Nancy Barry
This is it. This is it.
This is life, the one you get
So go and have a ball.

This is it. This is it
Straight ahead and rest assured
You can’t be sure at all.

So while you’re here enjoy the view
Keep on doing what you do
So hold on tight we'll muddle through
One day at a time, One day at a time.

So up on your feet. Up on your feet
Somewhere there’s music playing.
Don’t you worry none
We’ll just take it like it comes.

One day at a time, one day at a time.
One day at a time, one day at a time.
One day at a time, one day at a time.
One day at a time, one day at a time.

I have a long way to go, but I know that I am on a long path to healing by continuing as the theme song says, one day at a time.

Out of Sight, Not Out of Mind

My Dear Friends and Blog Readers,

Thank you so much for your e-mails and notes over these past few weeks. I am most honored that you missed me and that you are wondering where I am in my journey. I missed you too. I know that many of you have been concerned that I “fell off the wagon.” I am happy to report that nothing of the kind has occurred. Let me fill you on things over the past month or so.

Anyone who has an addiction can tell you that the most difficult times in dealing with your demons occur when you are faced with adversity, emotional discomfort and stress. If that is true, I was facing a “SuperBowl” of personal issues in the month of August. When faced with uncomfortable issues within my adult life, I have always turned to food. Since embarking on this journey, I knew that I could no longer “stuff” my problems. I would need to face them in a different way. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to experience pain. I cried when I felt pain, addressed issues in the kindest way I could when someone said something that bothered me, and I did not allow myself to feel guilt over any of those things which would have caused me to eat my frustrations. I knew that if I was going to achieve my personal health goals, I would need to face the issues. So, that’s what I did and do you know what? I didn’t die from it!

For all of my life, I have avoided emotional confrontation or taken it head-on then felt bad about it and ate to soothe myself. I lived in fear of facing issues without my comforter – food. I think that at some level, I really did think that the burden would be too much for me to bear. But it wasn’t. It turns out that I am actually stronger than I thought I was and that I am able to handle things appropriately. I relied on my faith to help me when I was weak. I did deep breathing in times of distress. I cried when I was frustrated. I communicated my issues out loud. I was in charge of the situation and balanced for the first time. I did not contemplate the notion of eating to medicate myself. I used my energy to process through the emotional work that needed to be done. My weight stayed relatively stable; however, my attempts for exercise were minimal, at best.

I am happy to report that the issues have stabilized over the past couple of weeks and so I thought it best to get myself on-track again. I once again met with my nutritionist, Suzanne, who encouraged me to continue my entries on this blog. We both felt comfortable that I am in “the zone” with my food choices and now it was time to get tough on exercise. My first goal is to start by exercising 30 minutes, 3 days per week for a month. After I have achieved some success with 3 times per week, we will increase to 4, and so on. I agreed to let Suzanne know that I’ve exercised on my designated days, so that she knows that I am following through in my commitment. My appointment with Suzanne was on Sept. 7th and I am happy to tell you that I have been successful in my first week in achieving 3 days of exercise. I “danced with the stars” two mornings before work and went for a walk to enjoy the beautiful fall weather this afternoon. Exercise is not really my thing, but I do love dancing and music so I feel that I am reaching happy mediums in these two methods of working out.

So, I’M BAAAAAAAAAAACCCKKKKK! I promise to try to stay in touch with you and keep you posted. Thanks for your support and concern. You are a huge part of this journey and will be part of my success.