Dear Blog Readers:
It’s been awhile since I last posted, so let me take a few moments to fill you in on things. First of all I was unable to do my usual Friday weigh-in as I was attending an out-of-town wedding away from any scales. The availability of good food choices to/from my destination of Northwest Minnesota and in restaurants in the immediate area was limited. I knew that I needed to get a plan in place in order to do some damage control. Before the trip, I preplanned bringing cut-up veggies, apple slices, mixed berries, and bottles of water to ensure some healthy alternatives. Since we had a thirteen hour drive each way, we made it a point to stop in restaurants for meals to/from our destination. The first day we stopped for breakfast and lunch. On the way home it was lunch and dinner. I made selections based on nutritional value and calorie counts and did very well. We stayed at a bed and breakfast where we were sure to get a balanced breakfast to start the day. We then supplemented with the fruit, veggies, a salad or some other healthy choices that were available in our mini-fridge. The day that we returned home was the only deviance from the plan as the B & B made fresh scones – my favorite and we stopped for Thai food for dinner. But again, given my previous portion issues, I did not do badly as I ate about 1/3 of the pad thai entrée and brought the rest home and split the rest among three of us for dinner another night. I weighed myself the day after we returned home to discover that the scale read exactly the same as last time – 296.7. After a weekend of potential disasters, I considered that a win for me. While I would rather lose weight every week, I know that my body is going through changes and will have ebbs and flows.
While we were gone, my daughter became pretty ill. She ran a high fever suddenly which we managed with over-the-counter medications, but we didn’t know where it came from. We consulted with her doctor upon our return and discovered that Ava has a urinary tract infection (UTI). Those of us who have had one know that these can be extremely painful. She was having a terrible time as she was withholding going to the bathroom to avoid the potty and the pain involved. Although she was very good about taking her medicine, she continued to withhold going to the bathroom. This became a significant stress for me as I didn’t want her to make more of the problem. I had returned to work and checked in on her periodically with my mom to see if she had changed her mind about the bathroom, but to no avail. The anxiety continued to build and by lunchtime I needed to stop home and see if I could help to convince her to go. I asked my mom if she wanted me to bring her anything and she indicated that some lunch would be nice, so I set out to get her lunch. I broke one of my cardinal rules – AVOID ALL DRIVE-THRUS – in the interest of time and went through Taco Bell’s drive-thru. I ordered 3 soft tacos and 1 bean burrito. (2 soft tacos for mom, the rest for me). In addition, I decided to go to the McDonald’s drive-thru to get Ava a Happy meal to try to coerce her by giving her something she liked. I had already eaten my food and my mom’s tacos were getting cold, so I thought she might enjoy a fish sandwich instead. I threw out the remaining tacos for fear of eating them but without even realizing it, I had ordered my mom’s fish sandwich, Ava’s Happy Meal and a 10-piece chicken nugget that I devoured before I even realized what I had done. Of course, the eater’s remorse set in shortly thereafter.
I began to think about my own wisdom in the drive-thru rule and realized that I was really right in setting that line in concrete. Although I approached this incident with the purest of intentions, my food addiction took over and brought me immediately back into bad habits. I had fed my stress and was able to deal with my daughter in a calmer manner, but at what cost? In addition, the frenzied nature of the past week or so has caused me to fall out of my food logging habit. I wish that it was as easy to create healthy behaviors as it is to fall back on what we know. Overeating is like the old fuzzy bathrobe in the back of the closet that you refuse to get rid of. It brings you a sense of comfort and peace. I know that what I’m saying is a bit irrational, but it’s the way I feel. So, I keep going. I don’t dwell on the recent mistakes and look forward to avoid some future indiscretions along the way.
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