On June 20, 2010, I set a new course for my life. I engaged in a space where I had never gone in deciding to learn to trust myself with food. It could have sounded like a crazy thing to do, but I am learning more every day and discovering that it is probably one of the most sane things that I have done in my adulthood. Instead of allowing myself to be directed by a vicious inner voice that will tear into me at the first sign of weakness, I am learning to recognize bad behavior and trying to figure out how to engage positive change.
First, I’m happy to report that I have lost a total of 12.8 pounds as of last Friday. That means that I weighed in at 294.2. With my start, I had hoped that it would have been a bit more at this point, but I am convicted to not be in a hurry. When I think of how long it took me to put on the pounds, a two-year estimated commitment isn’t bad. In addition, it is my hope that over the course of the 730 days, I would create some new habits that would allow me to have a life. Some would say to “get their life back,” but since I never really had a life without obsessing about bad food, it will be a first. I have made some discoveries along the way too.
I now know that tackling this food addiction will be the single most important work that I will do and that accomplishment of this mission, with God’s help, will change the trajectory of my life. I am more convicted than ever about what I must do and I am having some success in helping others to understand what I am working toward and why food addiction is similar yet different from other addictions. With the assistance of an online retreat which is connected to the book, “Women, Food and God” by Geneen Roth, I am learning more about how to control the evil inner voice that talks us toward failure and I believe that transformation is possible.
Let’s do a quick inventory of the goals that I set and assess my progress so far:
Set an exercise schedule, start it and stick to it
Not accomplished yet. I have much to do. I have not succeeded in getting myself into a set exercise regimen. This is something that I know that I must change and my goal for the coming month is to accomplish this task. On a positive note, I find myself opting more toward physical activities, such as playing backyard games like badminton or bocce ball instead of being a total “patio potato.”
Identify my support group and set up this blog
Check. Your incredible support has been overwhelming and extremely inspirational.
Identify my food triggers or why I want to overeat
In progress. I am becoming increasingly aware of my food triggers such as sugar and greasy foods and avoid them like unwelcome crashers at my health party.
AVOID ALL DRIVE THRUS
While you know I have fallen off this wagon, I have been safely back on for about two weeks. I have no intention of ever breaking this rule again. In addition, I have discovered new “closets” besides my car, where I would eat uncontrollably without even being aware of it.
Investigate the resources available through Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and consider participation in their groups, if available.
I did the investigation of OA during my first week. While I found what they had to say extremely helpful, I have found a comfortable journey in following Geneen Roth’s work. About three weeks ago, God was definitely trying to get my attention to explore Ms. Roth’s work. On five – yes 5 – different occasions, I was turned onto Ms. Roth, her book, or her online retreat from several different sources within my life. I had purchased the book after the second “tap on the shoulder,” but then three more “taps” told me about a six-week online retreat that she had available. A dear former colleague suggested that we explore it together and, after some creative financing was able to be arranged through Ms. Roth’s commitment to people who want to transform their relationship with food, I began the online retreat a week ago. I have listened in and participated in two sessions so far and I intend to continue through the end of the course.
So, overall, I think that I’m walking my path. It is a very human path. A path with detours, and construction, and, sometimes, destruction, but nevertheless, it is MY path. This seems to be the theme of my day. Today at church, there was particular emphasis on a passage from the book of Proverbs that says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart . . . and He will direct your path.” While I know that this passage may not resonate for everyone, it did for me today. I have faith that my path is clear, my direction is strong and my conviction remains in tact.
Thank you for your continued notes, comments, and support. You make the long road much better.
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