Dreams as a Driver for the Future

After 6 weeks, I have lost 14.5 pounds, an average of roughly 2 pounds a week. I continued to struggle with establishment of an exercise routine, but then I talked with a friend about it. She gave me a fabulous suggestion. She said that if I lay out my workout clothes before I went to bed, with a plan for morning exercise, it would force me to have to make a decision not to do it. I got up the next morning and it worked! I woke up, rolled out of bed, put my workout clothes on and went for a 1.5 mile walk. I really had a great time walking, listening to my Ipod and seeing things that I've never noticed before. Now, I just need to figure out a way to make this work during the work week. I knew that this would not be a quick weight loss, but my plan is to have concluded my journey by October 14, 2012, the day before my 49th birthday. I have always been convinced that if I am EVER able to finally shed my weight that it would completely change the direction of my life.

When I was about 20 years old, I had a short period of time when I felt "skinny." I was under the care of a bariatrics physician at the time and was able to shed over 50 pounds in about 3 months. For the first and only time in my life, I actually had people worried about whether I was too thin! The very people who were concerned about my excess weight were now concerned in the other direction. My treatment plan was very unhealthy as I was placed on medications that were the equivalent of both speed and a tranquilizer, plus a thyroid medication. Talk about messing with your system! In addition, the food regiment was to eat a 1/2 grapefruit in the morning, a Slim Fast Shake for lunch and a sensible dinner of about 4 oz. of meat and a vegetable - in essence, not enough food to maintain the loss. Throughout that time, I discovered a new aspect of life. I saw that there could be a life where people don't automatically judge you by appearance and I loved it. Interestingly though, I had friends and relatives that were so proud of my loss that they would share my news of weight loss with everyone I met - even those who never knew me as a fat person. I asked them to stop telling everyone so that I could build a new life for myself - fat free. I was ashamed of my weight roots and the fact that I had to lose so much weight. Unfortunately, the weight did not stay off and came back, plus more, very quickly, when I resumed "normal" eating. My new "friends" and some other friends and family alienated me when I was once again a fat person. It took me over a year to recover from that experience.

After an initial period of mourning, I had thoughts of a dream that I have not since forgotten. I thought that if I EVER could get this weight off, I would open a restaurant where anyone who is watching their calories or intake could come and order anything off of the menu without worries. It was always a distant dream. One that would never come to fruition as I never thought that I would accomplish the weight loss to be able to make my dream come true. Now I believe. I believe that I will do this! I believe in it because I have now allowed myself to attach my dream of the past 25+ years to my efforts and I have something greater to work toward. This is only one aspect of my dream new life, but I know that on October 15, 2012 I will be starting the next phase of life around my dreams as a healthy and vibrant woman who will be celebrating her last year of her 40's. I can't wait - but I will. . . there is much to do between now and then.